


I'll make you so sure about it (English)

by mist_igri



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Harry is a military man who won't be home for Christmas, Louis is home, M/M, surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 01:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mist_igri/pseuds/mist_igri
Summary: [“I know. I’m sorry.” There is a moment of silence, then Harry sings softly. “God only knows what I’d be without you…”Louis feels his heart swell in his chest. It’s their thing. After all, Paul McCartney himself considers it to be the most beautiful love song ever written.“I love you, Lou. Happy birthday.”The line goes dead then and all Louis can do is blankly stare at the screen of the phone. He sighs and sets the handset on its base.Fourteen days.]--Harry is a military man and it's the first time he won't be home for Christmas.





	I'll make you so sure about it (English)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [I'll make you so sure about it (Français)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091050) by [mist_igri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mist_igri/pseuds/mist_igri). 



> This work has been translated in Russian by olya (sunny_bun), who I want to thank <3  
> The translation is available here : https://ficbook.net/readfic/8160228

\- December 22, 2018 -

**"Hello?"**

Louis’ voice is unsure, it always is. This is the kind of thing you never really get used to, like waking up alone a double bed or cooking for one.

**“Lou…”** comes the voice on the phone.

There are creaking sounds on the line. The phone has never made justice to Harry's beautiful voice, but Louis still clings to his handset like a lifeline. He closes his eyes to keep the tears of relief that are forming from falling and sighs loudly.

**“Hi,”** he smiles to himself.

He thinks that he can hear a burst of laughter. It could be some random crackling, but he chooses to believe that Harry is smiling too. It’s always easier to picture him happy on a beach in the sun. Over there, he’s got the sand and the sun, but no beach. Nor happy people, for that matter. And Louis is very aware of that reality, more than most people, but he refuses to directly associate it with his fiancé. Not under these conditions. His mental health is at stake, here.

**“Hi,”** Harry answers.

Louis knows him well enough to feel the sweetness of his tone without hearing it. His eyes are still closed and it’s so easy to imagine Harry’s hand on the small of his back, bringing him closer until Harry just has to lean in a little to connect their lips.

Louis lets out a trembling exhale and opens his eyes. **“How are you?”**

**“I’m okay. What about you?”** Harry answers briefly.

**“Harry…”**

**“Sorry,”** the soldier says.

He breathes out a long time and Louis knows that he’s getting rid of his Lieutenant’s mask. When he’s over there, there can’t be a single crack in his demeanor. But these phone calls are the only times Harry allows himself to get a little vulnerable. And only with Louis. When Harry calls his mom every other week, he keeps a carefully crafted facade supposed to protect her. But Louis made him promise not to inflict this on him. On either of them. Besides, Louis is no fool and Harry knows it. Louis is Harry’s greatest weakness and he can’t hide anything from him. It has always made surprises quite difficult because Harry just can’t lie to Louis, even for the stupidest things.

**“I…”** Harry starts. **“I’m okay, really.”**

Louis focuses on his voice and lets his mind do the rest. He never really admitted it, but during those long tours of duty, he's always afraid that he might end up forgetting little details about Harry: the depth of his eyes, the kindness of his smile, the power of his perfume. Every time he got to the airport and laid his eyes on Harry from afar, he felt like he was discovering him all over again. But every time Harry hugged him, he was met with the same penetrating look, the same devastating smile and the same intoxicating scent.

**“It was a good week,”** Harry says again.

Louis nods, even though no one can see him. A good week means that the unit has been occupied, but there was no loss. Louis learned to interpret Harry’s answers over time. The soldier doesn’t like to talk about his missions or what’s happening in the field. He’s not allowed to give details anyway, but it’s also a side of his job he’s not comfortable sharing. He loves his job and he wears his uniform proudly. He enlisted to help and he has faith in his country. But it doesn’t make the harsh reality easier to bear with.

Harry doesn’t add anything, but Louis doesn’t need more. He trusts his fiancé. If something was on his mind or if he needed comfort, he’d say it.

**“Tell me about home, Lou…”** Harry whispers.

**"Mrs. Potswick's dog ran away again two days ago. He's dug a hole under her camellias this time. We found him a few hours later in front of Marty's house. I don't know when she'll finally understand that he's more interested in the butcher's little poodle than his meat."**

When Louis hears Harry's laughter through the phone, he feels a comforting heat rise in his chest. So he keeps going and tells him all about what happened in the neighborhood lately. He discovered that this is what Harry misses most: the sense of normality, the little things. There is comfort in habit, in the most trivial facts, the smallest details.

Louis talks for a few minutes, becoming more and more excited. He gestures widely, paces the room at large while telling his stories. And every time he manages to make Harry chuckle, he smiles a bit more himself. It’s almost like Harry’s here. Almost.

**“Lou,”** Harry says after a while. His tone is more serious, asking, and Louis pays attention immediately. **“When you’ll wake up on Monday, I want you to look in my closet.”**

Louis frowns, intrigued. Harry knows him enough to anticipate his reaction and he continues right away.

**“Your present is in the first box, at the top.”**

**“Harry…”** Louis sighs, tearing up.

**“Please, just promise me you won’t go looking for it early,”** Harry adds, giggling, imagining the indignant look on his fiancé’s face.

Louis laughs, but there is a lump in his throat. He sniffs, then laughs again softly. **“I promise,”** he murmurs. He’s not sure Harry heard it, but he knows that he at least got the idea.

He sniffs again, feeling suddenly emotional. It's the first time Harry won't be there for the holidays. He's missed lots of things before: their first anniversary, the birth of Louis' little brother and sister whom he'd been so impatient to meet, his sister's engagement… Christmas shouldn't be harder and yet, the very idea makes Louis want to crawl up to his bed and hide under the blankets. He breathes in loudly to try and stifle a sob, and a single tear rolls down his cheek.

**“Lou…”** Harry whispers, obviously sensing Louis’ emotion, even through a phone.

Louis easily pictures him, running a hand through his hair, hooking his fingers in the shorts strands and pulling, feeling helpless.

**“I…”** Louis says, running a hand over his face. The fact is if Harry lets himself be vulnerable to Louis, the opposite is true as well. Even when Louis would want to be strong for his fiancé's stake.

He sighs. Time is a luxury they don't have. Not when all they do have are ten-minute phone calls every other week.

**“It’s harder than usual,”** Louis admits.

**“I know Lou, for me as well,”** Harry answers with a resigned sigh.

And Louis feels horrible because he knows that it’s worse for Harry. Louis is safe in their air-conditioned apartment, surrounded by his family. He doesn’t risk his life on a daily basis in a country at war.

**“I’m sorry,”** he mumbles.

**“No, it’s okay. It’s hard for everyone. But it’ll be okay, we’re almost there.”**

Louis takes a look at the calendar near his computer. Fourteen days.

**“The closer we get to the end, the harder it gets. It’s stupid,”** he says, shaking his head.

Harry laughs softly. **“I can’t wait to see you, too.”**

**“I love you,”** Louis answers. He’s not even aware of the words till they out, a simple truth that makes its way from one heart to another.

**“I love you too.”**

There are ruffling sounds on Harry's side. The line crackles more and more but Louis can still hear banging noises and voices.

**“I have to go,”** Harry says.

Louis’ heart clenches. He looks at his watch and it’s only been six minutes and forty-two seconds. He’s still entitled to three minutes and eighteen seconds. He’s never been that good at maths since he’s constantly calculating the days and hours that separate him from the love of his life.

**“Wait! Why? You’re…”**

**“I’m sorry, we have to go.”**

His tone, firmer and more professional, leaves no room for argument. Still, Louis can't help but whimper. **“Harry…”**

**“I know. I’m sorry.”** There is a moment of silence, then Harry sings softly. **“God only knows what I’d be without you…”**

Louis feels his heart swell in his chest. It’s their thing. After all, Paul McCartney himself considers it to be the most beautiful love song ever written.

**“I love you, Lou. Happy birthday.”**

The line goes dead then and all Louis can do is blankly stare at the screen of the phone. He sighs and sets the handset on its base.

Fourteen days.

 

\- December 24, 2018 -

When Louis opens his eyes to sunlight tickling his nose, he smiles. He loves the winter sun, its bright rays that cut through the clouds and illuminate everything with a cold pure light.

His phone buzzes on the nightstand and he grabs it, noticing a dozen messages wishing him a happy birthday in every imaginable way. His smile grows at first, but it fades when his eyes land on the closet.

It’s not so much the date itself that makes him feel sick, even if he loves the way Harry always plans the day so that Louis feels like the most important person in the world. That’s a feeling he gets every single day when Harry’s by his side. And maybe that’s the hardest part.

Louis rolls on the mattress, gets up and goes to the closet. He puts his hand on the door, sliding his fingertips on the hardwood, and a shiver runs through his spine. Sometimes, the darkest thoughts come to his mind out of nowhere. But he pushes them away and opens the door. Harry's side is perfectly neat, as always. The difference between their wardrobes is blatant. The apartment is tidier when Harry is around. Hell, Louis' whole life is tidier when Harry's around.

Louis tries not to drop anything when he reaches for the shoebox at the top. Harry loves boots and his boxes are all huge. Louis' Vans collection may be impressive, but his boxes don't take half as much space.

He returns to the bed and ignores his phone, which buzzes again. He allows himself a moment to focus solely on his fiancé. He imagines Harry sitting cross-legged right in front of him, a lopsided smile on his lips. He can hear his voice urging him to open the box, even though if Harry really were there, they’d be doing something else entirely.

Louis grabs the lid and lifts it gently. His eyes land on a stuffed elephant, trunk in the air, a big red heart between its legs. A string hangs from its neck and Louis discovers a message written in Harry's curved handwriting: _“Hold me in your arms.”_

He doesn’t need to be told twice and, when a recording starts to play, he puts a hand on his mouth to stifle a sob.

 

_“I may not always love you_

_But long as there are stars above you_

_You never need to doubt it_

_I’ll make you so sure about it_

_God only knows what I’d be without you”_

 

Harry’s voice is soft and full of love. Tears roll freely down Louis’ cheeks and he just can’t stop them. He falls back on the bed, the elephant cradled in his arms, and inhales eagerly for a few minutes while replaying the recording. The stuffed animal smells faintly like Harry. His Harry, the one who shares his everyday life. The one who wears open shirts or faded t-shirts, who grows his hair until it falls on his forehead and who smells of lavender and cinnamon.

Eventually, Louis sits up and reaches for his phone. He ignores the notifications on the screen and dials the number he knows by heart. It's useless, he knows that Harry's phone is shut down and stored in his nightstand, only a few feet away. But it's a habit he can't get rid of.

**“Hey, it’s me. I know it’s useless, if you were here you’d probably roll your eyes to the back of your head, I can totally picture it…”** he chuckles sadly, lowering his gaze. **"But I know that you'd also try to hold back your smile because you'd think I'm so fucking adorable."**

He looks at the stuffed elephant he’s still holding in the other hand. **“Thanks for the gift. I…”** His eyes fill with tears again. **"I love you. It's insane how much I love you. How much I miss you. Today more than any other day."**

He stops for a moment and breathes deeply, running a hand over his face to try and collect himself.

**“Every day away from you is awful, but Christmas without you, it’s… I just wanna bury myself in our bed and sleep for the two remaining weeks. And for you to be there when I wake up.”**

He looks up at the ceiling, his breathing shaking slightly.

**"I won't do it, you know,"** he whispers. **“We’re all going to Anne’s tonight. I don’t know how she’s going to fit everybody in her living room, to be honest,”** he smiles. **“But we’ll all be together, that’s what matters.”**

A few seconds tick by while Louis pulls absentmindedly at a thread on the blanket. **“I know I told you that I’d enjoy today but… If I stay at home for a while, you won’t be mad, right? It’s just…”** he pauses and nibbles at his thumbnail.

**“You know,”** he thinks again, **“I’d rather not arrive empty-handed at your mom’s. Maybe I could try one of your cake recipes. I mean, it can’t be that hard to mix flour and eggs,”** he says, light and mocking.

**“Yeah…”** he adds, thoughtful. **"No, we both know that'd be a disaster. If you could see the amount of prepared food I've been eating lately, you'd have a stroke."**

He laughs softly, but it soon turns into a sigh. He runs his fingers through his hair and bites his lip, closing his eyes. **“You have to come back, Haz. You really have to. I’m useless when you’re not here.”**

These are the kind of words Louis usually keeps to himself. He’d never say that aloud, not to Harry anyway. Because he’s proud of him, he really is, and he wouldn’t want to change anything to their lives. Yes, the months they spent apart are difficult, but their relationship gains in intensity because of it. And when they reunite, it’s always strong and worth it. They learned to enjoy their time together and put the little problems in perspective.

Louis shakes his head, eyes still closed, and waits a few seconds. It doesn’t take long for the beeping sound to come and he presses star without waiting for the electronic voice to ask him to re-record his message.

**“I love you,”** he says before hanging up.

Whenever Harry comes back and turns his phone back on, he has a dozen identical messages. He never asks about them, just hugs Louis and kisses him gently, repeating the same words in Louis' ears as many times as he's heard them, and one more. Ultimately, it's all that matters.

Louis puts on pants and a t-shirt, then goes to the kitchen. He prepares some tea and sits with a pack of cookies. He’s going through the various messages he received and sending answers to everyone when there are knocks on the door.

**“Happy birthday!”** Niall shouts, jumping on Louis before the door is even fully opened.

Louis is motionless for a second, but he is quick to wrap his arms around his friend. When they break apart, he can’t hide his surprise. **“What are you doing here?”**

**“Taking care of you, of course,”** Niall says, rolling his eyes. **“And, by the way…”** he adds, eying Louis’ outfit.

**“What?”** Louis cries, faking an indignant frown. He looks down at his clothes and spreads his arms. **“I just got up, leave me alone,”** he laughs, gently pushing his friend away.

**“I bet you did,”** Niall answers, walking towards the living room. **“You still have to get changed, though”** he keeps going, sitting on the couch. **"Harry gave me a busy schedule and I have to drop you off at Anne's before six."**

**“Harry what?”** Louis exclaims.

**“Come on, Lou. We all know you’d stay locked in here if I wasn’t there to get you out.”**

**“That’s not true,”** Louis mumbles with bad faith.

**“Right,”** Niall snorts. **“Just go! I’m not kidding, Harry really gave me a whole bucket list and we’ve got lots of things to do!”**

Louis rolls his eyes but goes to his room nonetheless. He can hear Niall muttering behind him.

**“As if I were not fully capable of taking care of my best friend on my own. Who does he think I am…”**

Louis ignores his protests and smiles tenderly.

_____

 

Anne went all out for Christmas Eve and the atmosphere is very pleasant. Louis knows that Harry's always dreamt of a big family and it's one of his greatest pride to see all his favourite people interacting so naturally. Over the years, their families got so close that there became like one. Their mothers are best friends and their sisters get along like they grew up together.

Anne, Gemma, Lottie and Louis all go to Midnight Mass while Jay and Fizzy go home to put the youngest to bed. Louis wouldn't really call himself a believer, but the man he loves is in the army and thus, he's ready to pray about anyone, if it helps.

Some people think that you can’t believe in God when there is war. But, sometimes, Louis just needs to rely on something else, a greater force, whatever you call it.

More than anything, he likes to share a moment with all those people who spare a thought for Harry. His fiancé grew up in this village and he charmed every single resident from a young age. That’s why he has to come back. Not just for Louis, but for everyone.

 

\- December 25, 2018-

Leaving the church, Louis hunches his shoulders and blows on his fingers. He tightens his coat around himself, cursing the sharp chill that took over the country.

**“It’s winter, what did you expect?”** his sister teases.

Louis pushes her hat over her eyes, but he puts an arm over her shoulders then. That’s how they walk to Anne’s house, chatting lightly.

**“Go in already,”** Louis tells the women, getting his pack of cigarettes out, **“I’ll join you in a minute.”**

They leave him alone and Louis grabs his lighter. He’s lighting the tobacco when an excited scream comes from the house. He easily recognizes Gemma and shakes his head, laughing. She must have opened a gift, too eager to wait for the morning. She’s always been a bit dramatic, like her brother.

Louis sticks the cigarette between his lips and buries his hands in his pockets. He hops a little on the spot to try and warm up while looking at the starry sky. He feels tiny, but at the same time, he feels like he belongs to something bigger.

He comes out of his reverie when the front door shuts loudly behind him and he hears measured footsteps approaching.

**“I’ll be right there,”** Louis says over his shoulder. The footsteps don’t stop and he starts to turn around to face whoever’s coming. **“Seriously, you can go back, I…”**

The cigarette falls from his lips as he puts a hand to his mouth. His eyes fill with tears when he sees who’s standing in front of him.

Harry smiles softly and there are more stars in his eyes than in the sky above them. He steps forward and hugs Louis, who immediately hides his face in Harry’s neck.

**“Shhh...”** Harry comforts him, hugging him tighter.

Louis clings desperately to Harry's shirt. His fist tightens around the fabric as if to keep him close, to make sure that Harry's really here and that he won't leave. When he moves away slightly and looks into Harry's eyes, they don't talk, yet they hold a conversation. They don't need words to say "I love you."

Louis raises a hand and touches his fiancé's cheek with soft fingertips. There are no more tears when his eyes scan Harry's face, who stays perfectly still. He knows that Louis needs a moment to grasp the reality of the situation. His hands are resting on Louis' hips and he's waiting.

Twenty seconds tick by in complete silence and they seem to last for hours. But finally, Louis smile and leans forward to connect their lips. Harry’s fingers tighten around his waist as Louis puts his hands on Harry’s cheeks, pulling him as close as possible. They simply enjoy each other’s presence and their kiss is surprisingly sweet.

Louis isn’t cold anymore when they break apart. His hands are tied behind Harry’s neck, whose hands are still on his lower back.

**“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your birthday,”** Harry says softly, a hint of regret evident in his voice.

Louis vehemently shakes his head. **“I don’t care. You’re here now. I…”** For lack of words, he raises to his tiptoes and kisses him again.

The kiss is heated this time, desperate almost. Louis’ fingers get tangled in Harry’s hair, which has grown back since he left. Soon enough, he’ll get to call him Curly again. He pulls gently, causing Harry to groan.

Eventually, Harry breaks the kiss, panting slightly, and puts his forehead against Louis’. Their eyes are closed and they just stand there, sharing the same air, feeling each other’s breath on their skin. It’s perfect.

Louis laughs softly and Harry takes a step back to look at him. He grabs Louis’ hands, squeezing between his own, and looks up. Louis does the same and casts a circular look at the sky, which he was admiring just a few minutes ago. When he looks back at Harry, he is smiling widely.

**“Long as there are stars above you,”** he whispers.


End file.
